Friday, December 25, 2009
The Certainty of Life's Uncertainty
The only certain thing in life is the uncertainty of life.
Anirban Chakrabarti started his PhD program in Electrical & Computer Engineering at the same time as I did in August 1999. He graduated in December 2003, a few months after me. Soon after we started the program, we became good peer PhD students frequently engaging in discussions/debates on our research, sports, and other interesting topics. That both our advisers too worked closely with each other also often brought us together for joint seminars and collaborations.
He came with a B.Tech degree from Jadavpur University (one of the top engineering programs in India) and was a bright researcher. And more than for anything else, I always remembered him for his deeply sensitive heart filled to the brim with compassion. Perhaps, his poignant personal life and the brought-up made him so.
Anirban's father passed away even when he was very small. His mother and grandfather brought him up, and he was closely attached to them. He always used to say that he would go back to India right after his PhD and will take up the job there to stay close to the family. His grandfather passed away, I think in 2002, not long before we were due to complete our doctoral program. He was concerned that his mother was now lonely back in India and so became much more eager to get back to India right after the graduation.
After I graduated and moved onto my new job, we corresponded over emails occasionally. He graduated with a solid publication record and could have landed a lucrative job in USA for his well-recognized research in Networking and Grid Computing. However, he took up a job in the Infosys Research Labs, Bangalore, and was actively involved in the research conferences in India.
Later again we exchanged emails over the news of his wedding. And then, for over two years we were not in direct contact, but I was hearing about him occasionally from other friends.
In December 2008, it was the shock of of my life when I heard that he died tragically in September 2008 as he accidentally fell from his apartment in the top floor. It was heart wrenching to hear that he then had an 8-month old son, and that he fell down right in front of the eyes of his mother and wife.
What greater tragedy can there be for anyone than that seen by Anirban's mother, who lost her husband early in life, brought up her only child with hardships to see him succeed and do well but only for a short period, then lose him right in front of her eyes and see her daughter-in-law and grandson left with a similar agony for the rest of the life.
What a game the nature played, for Anirban did what all he could to alleviate his mother's agony, which only increased many folds because of the cruel fate.
Since I heard the news, almost every day I remember the family and say to myself that we do not have any right to complain for any small misfortunes we may face in our daily lives. There is no bigger loss than that and there is no bruise deeper. Any short lived loss or agony is not to be brooded over even for a moment.
The odyssey of Anirban's family and those great untold tragedies of many others constantly remind me that there is not a moment to lose over trivial troubles; there is so much to do, but there is only a little time left in the journey.
Because, the only certain thing in life is the uncertainty of life.
Here is the tribute to Anirban by the scientific community in India.
Postscript: I began writing this while waiting for my yesterday's evening flight from Dallas to Portland. The flight was constantly delayed and eventually cancelled, forcing me to spend the entire night in the Dallas airport. On the Christmas eve, today all the flights were over booked and the airline has routed me to Phoenix and then from there to Portland. Now, as I wait for my next flight in the Phoenix airport and am due to reach Portland 33 hours after my trip began (assuming the rest of the trip will go as per scheduled), I complete the writing.
Though the thought to write Anirban's story was only incidental, it again reminded me of my fortune and helped me to stay cheerful even as I am currently stuck in the airports for long hours far away from family and friends.
Monday, December 14, 2009
Decisions and Payoffs
The Fall 2009 quarter has finally come to an end with four exams in the last four days. The two math intensive courses - Finance-1 and "Decision Making Under Uncertainty" (mostly probability-based) - had relatively more intense exams this time, contrary to what we saw in the midterm. After a long time I saw a heavily mathematical and analytical challenge in the form of the Finance-1, and I am registered to study the Finance-2 (an elective) course in the winter quarter; just for Finance-2, if not for anything else, I am eagerly looking forward for the starting of the winter quarter in the first week of January.
Speaking of the course "Decision Making under Uncertainty", the subject was not that difficult. It is all about making informed decisions, when concrete information is unavailable, with the help of the probabilistic models. It is imperative for all managers (of people and/or situations) to face frequent challenges that require critical decisions but with not much information in hand. The decision trees and other concepts learned in the course do help one to better formulate the solutions to the challenges and help minimize the risk involved in the managerial decisions.
But then, what about the decision making under uncertainty in real life? As I look back and trace the every critical decision I made and each step I took since I graduated from NITW with my B.Tech degree, most decisions seemed to have paid off handsomely while some strayed me from the path. I am fortunate that those few wrong turns did not prove too costly for me, and more importantly I think I took right decisions when it really mattered the most.
Soon after I joined in a full-time job in Chennai, right after my B.Tech degree, I realized that my ambition lied in my higher education and I was not supposed to be working so early in life. That led me to decide to apply for graduate studies. But then, improper guidance and lack of Internet resources those days in India made me to apply to a few low-rated schools; I was also desperate to get some sort of financial aid due to the meagre financial situation back home - I entered US with just $800 in hand and without any upfront financial aid promise. A bit of a luck and more of perseverance helped as I staggered through my MS studies. At the end of it, all my efforts felt empty with no accomplishment to show on my record (except for a handsome credit-card debt), and I was gravely disappointed.
As I applied to the PhD program at a top school, almost all among family and friends were surprised and opposed the idea as if it were a trek to the top of the Mount Everest!! But, I was keen to prove myself (not to anyone but to my own self) at any cost - even the credit card debt and only a few dollars in the bank account did not deter me. All it required was a gentle nudge and encouraging words from Latha, the only one to believe in me, for the necessary thrust to take off. My determination (stemmed from my desperation and restlessness - plus my continuous self reminder that I only have a worse place to go if not this) and occasional financial help from Srinivas did see me through the first two years of the PhD program, the toughest years of my life so far (I think for most PhD students the first two will be the r(t)oughest during which majority quit).
Things did not help much as I could not pass the PhD qualifying exam in the first attempt. The desperation was so strong that not a moment was spared to even feel the anguish. And, the determination was so strong that I did not even blink before saying no to the lucrative full-time job offer from TI at the end of my summer internship after the first year in the PhD. I still remember the surprise look on the manager's face when I answered without even looking into the offer letter she handed to me saying that the terms were very attractive !!
It was tough winning the confidence of the PhD adviser; it was a long and hard journey, which seemed eternal through that dark passages to find the right research problem to work on while watching peer PhD students publishing and graduating one after the other. As the light at the end of that tunnel was seen in the middle of the third year, the confidence returned and with it the smile. I think the decisions made to enter and to continue in the PhD program, in spite of the stumbles and bruises, were so crucial that the attainment of the PhD degree transformed my personality entirely. The achievement of the PhD was the pinnacle and the Research Excellence Award was only an incing on the cake! I cannot even imagine myself existing at peace without such a milestone in my career, and I count each and every small and big decision in that process to be a crucial brick in the skyscraper I have been trying to build.
The walk through that fire also taught me the importance of a life partner who will only work to remove the last traces of self-doubt, and never deter or discourage or suck the time in lesser squabbles, and who can only augment the mental strength required to even pass through the hell if required. More than a few marriage alliances came to me (some with handsome financial "offers"!!) when I was about to graduate with my MS degree (assuming that I will take up a job) and then in the last stages of my PhD. But, the prospect of money and riches never excited me as much as the chance to be in the company of the smart and intelligent people did. The fortune of the continuous company of a well-read, deeply-aware, thoughtful, and intellectually-stimulating person is irreplaceable, at least for me.
When I first became acquainted with Neelima, I ensured several long conversations even before any preliminary decision was made. Neelima and my friends now make fun of me sometimes (in a lighter vein!!) that I quietly slipped in a puzzle in one of those long conversations for her to solve. The puzzle was, "say, you are given a rope with enough length to tightly bind around the earth at the equator; how much additional length of the rope has to be extended to you if you have to bind around the earth at the equator but now one foot above the ground throughout?" (I first heard this from my then peer PhD student Srini, who is now a professor at University of Arizona). I was delighted that Neelima solved it much faster than I did earlier; and my decision after that was only automatic!! Her awareness about the opportunities and challenges really showed me new paths to success, and her courage and support did allow me to take up the implausible adventures; without her the actions could have just been words and thoughts.
Marrying her was the last and the best crucial decision I made; once it was made, taking the rest of the turns was relatively easy as if the best GPS was guiding me!!
POSTSCRIPT: For those applying for MBA at top schools, remember that the admissions committee invariably looks to find in your essays, regarding your decisions, "why you did what you did" than just "what you did".
Speaking of the course "Decision Making under Uncertainty", the subject was not that difficult. It is all about making informed decisions, when concrete information is unavailable, with the help of the probabilistic models. It is imperative for all managers (of people and/or situations) to face frequent challenges that require critical decisions but with not much information in hand. The decision trees and other concepts learned in the course do help one to better formulate the solutions to the challenges and help minimize the risk involved in the managerial decisions.
But then, what about the decision making under uncertainty in real life? As I look back and trace the every critical decision I made and each step I took since I graduated from NITW with my B.Tech degree, most decisions seemed to have paid off handsomely while some strayed me from the path. I am fortunate that those few wrong turns did not prove too costly for me, and more importantly I think I took right decisions when it really mattered the most.
Soon after I joined in a full-time job in Chennai, right after my B.Tech degree, I realized that my ambition lied in my higher education and I was not supposed to be working so early in life. That led me to decide to apply for graduate studies. But then, improper guidance and lack of Internet resources those days in India made me to apply to a few low-rated schools; I was also desperate to get some sort of financial aid due to the meagre financial situation back home - I entered US with just $800 in hand and without any upfront financial aid promise. A bit of a luck and more of perseverance helped as I staggered through my MS studies. At the end of it, all my efforts felt empty with no accomplishment to show on my record (except for a handsome credit-card debt), and I was gravely disappointed.
As I applied to the PhD program at a top school, almost all among family and friends were surprised and opposed the idea as if it were a trek to the top of the Mount Everest!! But, I was keen to prove myself (not to anyone but to my own self) at any cost - even the credit card debt and only a few dollars in the bank account did not deter me. All it required was a gentle nudge and encouraging words from Latha, the only one to believe in me, for the necessary thrust to take off. My determination (stemmed from my desperation and restlessness - plus my continuous self reminder that I only have a worse place to go if not this) and occasional financial help from Srinivas did see me through the first two years of the PhD program, the toughest years of my life so far (I think for most PhD students the first two will be the r(t)oughest during which majority quit).
Things did not help much as I could not pass the PhD qualifying exam in the first attempt. The desperation was so strong that not a moment was spared to even feel the anguish. And, the determination was so strong that I did not even blink before saying no to the lucrative full-time job offer from TI at the end of my summer internship after the first year in the PhD. I still remember the surprise look on the manager's face when I answered without even looking into the offer letter she handed to me saying that the terms were very attractive !!
It was tough winning the confidence of the PhD adviser; it was a long and hard journey, which seemed eternal through that dark passages to find the right research problem to work on while watching peer PhD students publishing and graduating one after the other. As the light at the end of that tunnel was seen in the middle of the third year, the confidence returned and with it the smile. I think the decisions made to enter and to continue in the PhD program, in spite of the stumbles and bruises, were so crucial that the attainment of the PhD degree transformed my personality entirely. The achievement of the PhD was the pinnacle and the Research Excellence Award was only an incing on the cake! I cannot even imagine myself existing at peace without such a milestone in my career, and I count each and every small and big decision in that process to be a crucial brick in the skyscraper I have been trying to build.
The walk through that fire also taught me the importance of a life partner who will only work to remove the last traces of self-doubt, and never deter or discourage or suck the time in lesser squabbles, and who can only augment the mental strength required to even pass through the hell if required. More than a few marriage alliances came to me (some with handsome financial "offers"!!) when I was about to graduate with my MS degree (assuming that I will take up a job) and then in the last stages of my PhD. But, the prospect of money and riches never excited me as much as the chance to be in the company of the smart and intelligent people did. The fortune of the continuous company of a well-read, deeply-aware, thoughtful, and intellectually-stimulating person is irreplaceable, at least for me.
When I first became acquainted with Neelima, I ensured several long conversations even before any preliminary decision was made. Neelima and my friends now make fun of me sometimes (in a lighter vein!!) that I quietly slipped in a puzzle in one of those long conversations for her to solve. The puzzle was, "say, you are given a rope with enough length to tightly bind around the earth at the equator; how much additional length of the rope has to be extended to you if you have to bind around the earth at the equator but now one foot above the ground throughout?" (I first heard this from my then peer PhD student Srini, who is now a professor at University of Arizona). I was delighted that Neelima solved it much faster than I did earlier; and my decision after that was only automatic!! Her awareness about the opportunities and challenges really showed me new paths to success, and her courage and support did allow me to take up the implausible adventures; without her the actions could have just been words and thoughts.
Marrying her was the last and the best crucial decision I made; once it was made, taking the rest of the turns was relatively easy as if the best GPS was guiding me!!
POSTSCRIPT: For those applying for MBA at top schools, remember that the admissions committee invariably looks to find in your essays, regarding your decisions, "why you did what you did" than just "what you did".
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
